I used to pride myself on being a do-gooder.

On Saturday mornings, my friends and I would cook a giant pot of mac and cheese and feed the homeless at the park downtown.

Local businesses sometimes donated organic bread, snacks and vegetables. One time, we even got 10 free pizzas!

But something began rubbing me the wrong way…

I met well-intentioned activists who felt so passionate about their cause, they’d create more harm than good. They projected their rage, shaming others and promoting violence.

I thought, How could we possibly achieve peace through hatred?

Then, I stumbled into a few codependent relationships. At times, I experienced abuse. Other times, I had abusive tendencies. In an ironic turn of events, I became someone I never wanted to be.

But all this conflict served a greater purpose. 

I slowly learned how to cultivate kindness and compassion. I discovered how our inner turmoil creates outer conflicts and a fractured world. And how urgent it is to lay down arms and seek understanding. 

The world’s future depends on all of us learning how to find compassion for our enemies, as daunting as that may seem.

We all have a Mr. Hyde

No one wants to admit their flaws. We all prefer seeing ourselves in a positive light.

Yet each of us has a Mr. Hyde.

In 1886, Robert Louis Stevenson published his famous novella, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, which called attention to our different selves.

We all have a “good” persona deemed appropriate for daily life (like Dr. Jekyll). And this part of us masks our “bad” persona, full of repressed emotions and desires (Mr. Hyde).    

These “negative” emotions and traits like shame, rage, selfishness and hatred make up what psychologist Carl Jung called our personal shadow.

Our childhood environments reinforced the traits we needed to be loved and accepted—things like being polite, responsible and patient. We learn to disown our “ugly” traits, casting it into our unconscious.

But life has an uncanny way of making the unconscious conscious. Sooner or later, we must reconcile with our whole selves.

We often see our shadow in the unpleasant traits and actions of other people. By loathing someone else’s ignorance, laziness or vanity, for example, we may be unconsciously denying those traits in ourselves.   

For the longest time, I couldn’t stand my partner’s angry reactions. They scared me. So I blamed and blamed, labeling him the enemy.   

As I helped my partner manage his anger, I became aware of my own anger—something I’ve learned to reject as a child. I observed the many times I lashed out at him too. 

Who was the enemy now? 

It turns out that underneath our rage, we both harbored deep hurts, fear of abandonment and grief. So we stopped pointing fingers at each other and courageously faced our inner demons together.

That mutual understanding paved the way for acceptance and compassion.

How to find compassion for our enemies

A universal truth connects us… 

We all have an innate desire to be happy. And we’re all vulnerable to the whims of life. 

When we face considerable stress or trauma, we resort to various defense mechanisms, like controlling others, lashing out or addictions.

It’s tempting to believe some people are bad. And people who suffer immensely often hurt others. (Of course, that’s never an excuse and we’re always responsible for our actions.)

The more we push against our enemy—whether it’s hateful people or our own inner critic—the more damage we’re likely to cause. If we want to create a peaceful world, we must stop feeding our fears.

Compassion is above all an inner process.

We don’t try to change or fix the other person.

We can choose if we want to help, forgive or avoid the person altogether.

Recognizing someone’s suffering and wishing for their liberation helps us find grace in our own difficulties. 

And the reverse is true too. Transforming our hardships helps us better understand those of others.

Strengthen your compassion with these tips: 

• Imagine what your antagonist’s childhood was possibly like
• Silently send your enemy well wishes: May you be happy and well.
• Acknowledge your own “shadow”
• Contemplate the person’s role in your spiritual evolution
• Practice compassion meditation 
• Extend kindness to others whenever possible
• Take breaks to stay grounded

In A Fearless Heart, author Thupten Jinpa suggests we chant this prayer everyday:

For more tips, you might also like my blog article, How to Stay Positive in a Troubled World.

Let’s build a better world together 

We need to cultivate compassion more than ever.

Despite global turmoil, we have a tremendous opportunity to unite all of humankind.

It’s certainly a tall order.

But we don’t have to solve the world’s problems. Each of us can look within, embrace our shadow and cultivate compassion a little bit everyday.

We cannot fail to achieve enlightenment. Our collective awakening is inevitable.

It’s only a matter of time.

Want some free support?

I enjoy connecting with women and learning about their challenges related to confidence, boundaries and relationships.

So, I’m offering free EFT Tapping sessions in exchange for a short interview via Zoom.

In the first 15 minutes, I’ll ask questions like “How did you discover me?” for new content ideas. In the last 15 minutes, you’ll get an EFT session to feel calm and clear. (Yes, things can shift that quickly.)

This offer isn’t a discovery call, where we discuss my paid services. It’s a fun opportunity to connect and support each other!

If you feel inspired to work with me, you can book a free call to make sure we’re a good fit. I look forward to connecting with you!

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