3 Surprising Things About Sexual Trauma

Exploring my sensuality and sexuality plays a huge role in cultivating wholeness in my life.

For a while, I thought it’d be better to keep this part of my life behind closed doors. I feared what people would think. Plus, our society has lots of sexual shame.

But the topic of sexuality kept surfacing with my clients. My story inspired them. And one of my most popular blog articles is called Why You Should Embrace Your Sexuality.

There’s obviously a need for more perspectives.

To create a healthy connection to our sexual self, it’s often necessary to heal any sexual trauma first.

Sexual trauma is sadly common. Unhealed, it can show up in unexpected ways in different areas of our life even years later.

So today, I’d like to dive into a few surprising things I’ve learned about sexual trauma. Some of these things may or may not seem obvious, but learning about them helped me validate my experiences.

I hope this information supports you in making sense of your own experience and making peace with the past.

1) Sexual trauma is common

My heart breaks when I hear others say they feel isolated and invalidated about their experience.

Sometimes, they keep the event to themselves, never telling anyone due to shame and embarrassment. And sometimes, they muster up the courage to confide in someone—perhaps weeks, months, years later—but the person blames or disbelieves them.

It’s like they’re the only ones that have experienced sexual trauma.

The statistics are shocking. Yet the knowledge helps raise awareness and reduce stigma, so that more people can seek the support they need.

81% of women and 43% of men in the United States reported experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime.

Nearly one in 5 women in the United States have experienced rape or attempted rape some time in their lives.

One in 3 women experienced rape or attempted rape for the first time between the ages of 11 and 17.

These statistics come from those who reported their experiences. How many more experiences go unreported?

Sexual violence is a widespread and global issue that impacts people of any age, gender, race, religion, ethnicity or socioeconomic status. The effects of sexual trauma can be passed down generations.

It’s vital to educate ourselves and have open, honest conversations about sexuality and sexual trauma to create positive and sustainable change.

2) There are many different types of sexual violence

When we think of sexual trauma, many people think of rape and sexual assault.

So, when I learned about the many different types of sexual violence, I realized I had dismissed several experiences. I had concluded, What I went through isn’t as bad as others’ experiences, so I should just move on.

It perplexed me why I still felt unsafe around men, shut down with my husband or feared being objectified.

Now I know that trauma is subjective. Someone else’s trauma doesn’t mean I wasn’t suffering. Reading about the different types of sexual violence helped me validate my own experiences.

According to the organization Helping Survivors, “Sexual violence refers to any sexual act or attempt to obtain a sexual favor using coercion in any setting.

This includes sexual activity when consent is not obtained or freely given, and it also includes words and actions of a sexual nature against a person’s will.

The spectrum of sexual violence includes all types of unwanted sexual contact, from catcalling to rape. The problem is prevalent all over the world.”

Examples include:

Unwanted sexual attention (i.e. comments, jokes, gestures, stares and other non-physical attention toward someone’s sexuality and physical appearance)
Harassing anyone for not conforming to social gender norms
Unwelcome sexual advances
Rape and sexual assault
Child sexual assault and incest
Exposing porn to a child
Assault by a spouse or partner
Exposing someone’s genitals or naked body to others without consent
Sexual exploitation and trafficking
Other examples

Another example that’s less well known, but can still have significant negative effects is being indirectly exposed to a traumatic event through first-hand account or narrative of that event. This can cause vicarious or secondary trauma.

For more resources, I recommend visiting the organizations Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) and Helping Survivors.

3) The effects can show up years later

Each person reacts differently to sexual violence.

Varying factors like our culture, personality, current stressors in our life, any previous traumatic experiences and the amount of available support can affect how we process trauma.

Sexual trauma can show up in many ways, disrupting our personal and professional lives, even years later.⁣

Common effects may include guilt, shame, embarrassment, anxiety, fear, anger, grief, numbness and isolation. We may suffer from nightmares, flashbacks, depression, addictions, difficulty concentrating and PTSD.

⁣Sexual trauma often disconnects us from our bodies and keeps us from feeling safe within.

Self-doubt and distrust might plague us and make it challenging to open up to a new relationship. Someone could truly care for us, yet we might feel resistant to fully receiving love.⁣

In our professional lives, sexual trauma can lower our self-esteem and make us believe we’re incapable of succeeding. We may feel unsafe about speaking up and becoming visible.

Deep down, a part of us might believe that we don’t deserve to be happy or enjoy good things in life.

All your feelings are valid even if they don’t make any sense.

Sometimes, we don’t have any memories of what happened, but a part of us suspects something possibly happened.

Listen to your gut.

Acknowledge how you feel.

It’s not your fault.

We may have unconsciously repressed a memory to protect ourselves. We may be carrying the effects of generational trauma.

To heal, it’s not necessary to know if what happened was true.

You’re feeling the effects. That’s valid in itself. And the key is how you process them.

It’s okay to take care of yourself and get support.

Releasing sexual trauma

Ultimately, it’s crucial to release the trauma stored in our body.⁣

EFT Tapping is a potent stress relief modality, proven effective for trauma, anxiety, depression and much more. My clients finally find permanent relief from their past once we regulate their nervous system and reestablish safety within.

I offer a 1-to-1 package called, “Embrace Your Sexuality”. In this 12-sessions package, I gently support you to heal any sexual trauma, nurture your sexuality and reclaim your power. You can learn more and book a free discovery call here.

Or if you’d like to get a taste of my work first, you can sign up for a free EFT session in exchange for a short interview here.

Other effective somatic modalities for trauma include Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), brainspotting and Somatic Experiencing.

We each have different needs, so find the right modality and especially the right practitioner for you.

When we release the trauma stored in our body, we can more quickly lift the weight ⁣of old stories and move on with our lives.

Support is available. You’re not alone.

You’re more than your past.

You can transform the pain and create a future filled with love.

Want some free support?

I’m offering free EFT Tapping sessions in exchange for a short interview via Zoom.

I enjoy connecting with other women and learning about their challenges related to confidence, boundaries and relationships.

In the first 15 minutes, I’ll ask questions like “How did you discover me?” for new content ideas. In the last 15 minutes, you’ll get an EFT session to feel calm and clear. (Yes, things can shift that quickly.)

This offer isn’t a discovery call, where we discuss my paid services. It’s a fun opportunity to connect and support each other!

If you feel inspired to work with me, we can book a free call to make sure we’re a good fit.

I look forward to connecting with you!