Years ago, when I was healing my codependent marriage, I accidentally discovered something…

Owning my sexuality helped me reclaim my power and feel wonderfully aligned with the divine.

This unexpected turn on my journey brought spectacular results:

It helped me break the chains of conditioning, boost my self-confidence, ignite my joy and creativity, speak my truth, live my purpose and magnetize soulful people and opportunities.

In general, I feel vibrant and juicy and everything flows much more easily… in more ways than one!

Sexual energy is extraordinary. It’s the creative life force, animating all that exists in the universe. And for us women, our source of power lies in our sacral chakra—which is also about pleasure, creativity, sexuality and connection.

Unfortunately, our society discourages women from exploring and enjoying sexual pleasure.

Shame is rampant in a society based on separation and disconnection. Unresolved sexual trauma keeps us small. We’re taught to sacrifice our needs and desires.

But valuing our sexuality is key to our individual well-being, as well as our collective well-being.

What if more of us embraced our sexuality?

Getting a little too much attention

I never thought that I needed to prioritize my sexuality.

Other things seemed more important, like getting food on the table and making it through each day.

But in 2009, my husband Loïc and I noticed a strange phenomenon after moving to a new town:

Men began ogling me more frequently and intensely. If I was walking on one side of the sidewalk, men walking towards me would sometimes change sides to brush up against me. 

One time on the metro, a guy nonchalantly held up his phone in front of my face and snapped a photo. My fear and anger froze me in my seat.

Even going to the store was an ordeal. A man would just stare at me from across the produce stand.

Why did I suddenly get so much attention? Perhaps because I was one of the rare Asians in town? Was I that sexy?

I felt increasingly anxious and unsafe as soon as I stepped outside. I tried everything from avoiding men to raging at them. But of course, I couldn’t control their behavior.

Feeling hopeless, I observed the racing thoughts in my mind: “Men are pigs! You can never trust a man.” My body always tensed up.

I hated feeling objectified. I feared getting sexually assaulted, though I had no recollection of being assaulted. Where did this come from?

Then, there were moments when I liked the attention. That was confusing. I thought, “I’m married, I shouldn’t enjoy the attention.”

All these thoughts, emotions and sensations swirled within, as I tried to stay open to my experience. And in our usual manner, Loïc and I began pulling on the thread to see what else would unravel…

We’re wounded sexually

Many of us have been wounded sexually in some way.

Certain experiences may be more obvious than others—like sexual harrasment and rape.

But the spectrum of sexual violence can vary widely, including unwanted stares to sexual exploitation. You can learn more in my blog article, “3 Surprising Things About Sexual Trauma”. 

And for some people, their experiences were so normalized that they may not realize their negative impact until years later. Traumatic memories can hide in our subconscious and suddenly get triggered.

We’re immersed in a society that shames us for our sexuality.

We receive subtle and harsh messages from our families, religion and the media. Ads often feature a specific type of woman—young, thin and sexy. Then, we get slut-shamed if we dress “too” provocatively. 

We absorb twisted ideas about our body: “I’m ugly. I’m too fat. I’m too thin.” Even supermodels never feel good enough. Others tell us what to do with our bodies. “Pleasure is sinful.”

There’s a serious lack of information about real sex. Mainstream media has unfortunately become sex education for many. This adds to our collective ignorance of the different ways sexual pleasure can look. 

As a result, many of us feel unsatisfied with our sex lives.

We might conclude there’s something wrong with us. Or we blame our partners for failing to give us pleasure. Some troubled people turn their sexual energy into violence and aggression.

These wounds show up as low self-esteem, disconnection and oppression. Shame and guilt warp our personality and drain our vitality—is it surprising that these emotions hold the lowest levels of consciousness, right near death itself?

Sexuality teacher Sheri Winston writes:

It’s hard to describe, but…

Healing my sexuality helped me feel more joyful and present. 

Rekindling the spark in my marriage made us giggle more often. Loïc noticed that I carried myself more lightly. 

We spent hours chatting about our past erotic experiences, desires and sexual fantasies. We explored new sensations and taboo terrain, letting our body’s wisdom lead the way. I grieved for my female ancestors, as I released our trauma and reclaimed our womb. 

The shame and guilt slowly but surely dissipated. And this deep connection to myself seeped into every area of my life.

The staring men bothered me less, as I owned my sensuality and feminine power. My relationship to pleasure softened, inviting more ease and joy.

And because I felt more comfortable with becoming visible, I began showing up more fully and attracting aligned people and opportunities.

Believe it or not, even my finances improved. My passion inspired people to work with me. Our sacral chakra is also tied to our finances, so go figure! Aligning with my sexual energy opened me to receive the universe’s support.

Several erotic experiences seemed to burn through layers of armoring that left me in complete awe of the divine. Sometimes, tears streamed down my face as I instantly connected the dots between different life events, illusions and our ultimate purpose.

My body, heart, sex and spirit harmonized. The veil had been lifted and my vision became clear.

Sexual energy is life force

I eventually realized that I wasn’t the only one who had similar experiences.

It turns out that ancient traditions have understood sexual energy and how to work with it for thousands of years. 

This wild power has been called chi, prana or kundalini. Sexual energy is one of the most potent forces in the world. It creates all of life and gives us breathtaking biodiversity.

Our individual sexuality goes beyond our sensual desires, experiences and behavior—it’s part of the greater life force and connects us to the cosmos.

In Women’s Anatomy of Arousal, Sheri Winston writes:

So when we repress our sexuality, we’re not only repressing a vital part of ourselves, we’re also blocking our life force energy.

When we carry shame in this part of our identity, it curbs our ability to express ourselves freely and authentically. We become disconnected from our source of power—energy that can be channeled into inspiration and motivation to activate our fullest potential.

Contrary to what many religions teach, there’s nothing wrong with healthy, consensual sexual pleasure.

Our sexuality can even be a path to higher consciousness and spiritual growth.

How to start sexual healing

One of the reasons women often feel unsatisfied with their sex lives is due to a misunderstanding about our energy.

Life force energy is composed of yin and yang energies—or what some people call “feminine” and “masculine” energies.

Yin qualities could be described as:

• cool
• slow
• passive
• receptive
• lunar
• fluctuating
• being

While yang could be described as:

• hot
• fast
• active
• penetrative
• solar
• steady
• doing

We all have yin and yang in varying degrees. Though most women have yin as their main energy and for most men, it’s yang.

So for us women to enjoy sexual pleasure, we need to honor our yin energy.

We absolutely need to feel safe and connected first, free from distractions and pressure. It’s normal that our arousal fluctuates and takes time to warm up. When our yin is balanced and supported, we can then let ourselves open and surrender. 

It’s completely different for people who have yang as their main energy: quick arousal, penetrating and driving toward the goal!

Here are 5 more tips to start your sexual healing:

1) Question your beliefs

The innocence of our sexuality has been conditioned by old stories and limiting beliefs. These beliefs tend to be unconscious and come from our family, culture, religion and the media.

Challenge your ideas about sex and judgments about people who enjoy sex.

A few common beliefs are:

• Pleasure and desire are shameful
• Foreplay isn’t sex
• I need to be beautiful to enjoy sex
• Good girls don’t ____ (e.g. self-pleasure, have anal sex, etc.)
• Women shouldn’t initiate sex
• Sex isn’t spiritual
• It’s selfish to ask for what I want

2) Connect to your senses

To experience pleasure, we need to be in touch with our senses. Our senses are our gateway to the present moment and our sovereignty.

This may seem basic, but our society trains us to stay in our heads and disconnect from our bodies. So, start paying attention to small moments of pleasure in your daily life.

When you eat something you like, what sensations arise in your body? What parts of your body come alive during a walk in nature? Tune into the colors, the smell and sounds.

3) Heal sexual trauma

It’s difficult to embrace your sexuality if you have unresolved sexual trauma. An inner sense of safety and connection to your body allow you to relax, express yourself more freely and enjoy pleasure.

I offer personalized guidance in my EFT Tapping package called “Reclaim Your Sexuality”. You can get a taste of my work via a free EFT session in exchange for an interview here.

4) Accept yourself

Celebrating our sexual nature is about coming home to ourselves.

Because how can we connect with others if we’re uncomfortable with who we are? Embracing our body, emotions and desires nourishes us and lets us enjoy a deeper connection to others.

All parts of ourselves, including our sexual energy, need to be integrated for us to feel fully vibrant.

Self-acceptance helps us release society’s expectations and focus on our own experience:

We feel empowered to ask for what we want. We rejoice in our body’s ability to enjoy pleasure. And we feel safe to let others see us in all of our glory.

5) Communicate

If you’re having partnered sex, it’s essential to have open and honest conversations about your needs and desires.

This may sound like a no-brainer, but it’s not always easy to do. Feelings of embarrassment, shame and guilt tend to keep us from speaking up. If we tend to people-please in life, it’s likely we’ll say yes when we mean no in our bedroom too.

You can start with, “I’d like ____” or “Maybe we could try ____”.

Instead of criticizing your partner, use “I” statements: “I feel ___ when you ___. I need ___.”

Stay open and curious. Connect with your partner.

Celebrate your pleasure

We’re often taught to disconnect from our bodies and wombs. 

We receive countless messages to steer away from our power. Different religions, cultures and leaders try to control our sexual activity and pleasure by shaming us.

Unfortunately, this creates great harm for everyone. 

When we all have a healthy connection to our erotic energy—life force energy—we gain personal power to invigorate our entire being, tap into our creativity and create a better world.

What if we fully embraced our sexuality as a profound power?

What if we reclaimed pleasure for ourselves as our divine birthright?

Let’s reconnect with our body, honor our joy and celebrate our pleasure.

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Want some free support?

I’m offering free EFT Tapping sessions in exchange for a short interview via Zoom.

I enjoy connecting with other women and learning about their challenges related to confidence, boundaries and relationships.

In the first 15 minutes, I’ll ask questions like “How did you discover me?” for new content ideas. In the last 15 minutes, you’ll get an EFT session to feel calm and clear. (Yes, things can shift that quickly.)

This offer isn’t a discovery call, where we discuss my paid services. It’s a fun opportunity to connect and support each other!

If you feel inspired to work with me, we can book a free call to make sure we’re a good fit.

I look forward to connecting with you!

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