Get yourself a cup of tea and gather around… I’m going to tell you the story of how I became a lightworker!

Though I tell many personal anecdotes on my blog and podcast, I thought it’d be fun to revisit and dive more deeply into my journey. Several people have asked for the juicy details, so thank you for the nudge.

I hope you get a better sense of where I’m coming from and why I’m passionate about supporting women with boundaries and relationships.

Discover how I ended up in France, reunited with my twin flame, transformed my toxic marriage and my 3 key spiritual lessons from this 15-year adventure.

How I ended up in France

I felt jittery inside after an extraordinary year in Paris, studying art history at the Sorbonne, meeting fascinating people from all walks of life and finding magic in the City of Light.

I had never felt so happy and free—the furthest I’ve ever been from my harsh father and family drama.

So after I graduated from Smith College in 2008, I applied to become an English teacher in France. The application asked me where I wanted to teach. Paris was amazing, but I wanted a new adventure.

I found a map of France, closed my eyes and picked a random region—Les Pays de la Loire, or the Loire Valley in northwestern France, known for its impressive castles, lush vineyards and Europe’s last wild river, La Loire.

One night, I found myself at the Bar du centre with my colleagues at around 2am. The conversation bored me, so I asked the bartender for a light drink. I looked at the label on the bottle of cider: Loïc Raison.

I thought, Hmm, I’ve never heard of that name before…

Eventually, my colleagues and I were chatting in the empty town square underneath a bright street lamp. Bob Marley’s sweet voice sang “Jamming”, one of my favorite songs:

I glanced across the square and saw a group of guys hanging around a boombox. Then, one of them came forward with a warm grin and invited me to listen to some music. He introduced himself as Loïc, just like the cider I got a few minutes ago!

We chatted excitedly about graffiti and photography. His ears perked up when I said that I’m from southern California. For some reason, California’s landscape and hip-hop music have always called to him. 

As he gazed into my eyes, he knew why I seemed so familiar: It’s her. She’s the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life. 

I had no idea what was happening. I just wanted to have fun… and we did! We ended up hanging out everyday. We couldn’t get enough of each other. We spent nights talking about anything and everything.

7 months after our first encounter, we got married!

Reuniting with my twin soul (aka twin flame)

I didn’t know it at the time, but I had reunited with my twin soul.

In Geraldina Lumezi’s book, Twin Soul Eternal Love, she writes:

Far from a romantic comedy, this arduous journey forces us to face each one of our shadows and remember our true selves. The purpose of this intense connection is to accelerate our spiritual growth, show others how to love unconditionally and set the template for sacred relationships.

Indian philosopher and yogi, Sri Aurobindo said:

And in Plato’s Symposium, playwright Aristophanes asserted that:

I’m grateful that my relationship with Loïc resembles that now, but it hasn’t always been that way.

After our honeymoon phase, we realized that it wasn’t all roses and rainbows. Conflicts began creeping into our daily routine…

At first, they were about small things like who cooks dinner and who pays for what. That’s typical for couples, but when the bickering eventually snowballs into near-constant, explosive disputes?

Something was terribly off.

The fights sometimes lasted the entire day. Each time we tried to resolve the problem, our anger and resentment surfaced again, resulting in more poisonous spats. We had no idea how to quench the enraged flames.

A repressive atmosphere often loomed over us, as we both braced ourselves for the next fight, walking on eggshells in the meantime.

We were stuck in an infinite time loop, forced to relive the same conflicts over and over again.

It always astonished me how two lovers could suddenly become their worst enemies. How we could create our own hell with our minds. And how utterly alone we could feel even with someone beside us.

In hindsight, it all makes sense…

We’re products of our past

Loïc and I are both deeply sensitive souls, who grew up in immigrant families that did their best to make ends meet.

Though I was born and raised in California, I never felt like I belonged anywhere. My American identity often clashed with my Vietnamese identity, which created family disputes and isolated me.

My father was extremely harsh and controlling, criticizing everything about me, from the way I ate, stood and dressed to my school performance. My brother and I never knew when he’d explode. My mother didn’t dare speak up and struggled to support me emotionally.

Loïc spent his childhood in an underserved community, where his life depended on constantly watching his back. His Sicilian mother struggled with rage, mired in trauma. His father was always away working.

Since I severely lacked support, I latched onto a few codependent friendships and relationships that buckled under my desperate need for love and attention. Being alone was unbearable. And being with others was unbearable too.

So as you can imagine, France seemed like the perfect escape route. I abruptly left the US and refused to see my family for the next 7 years.

But alas, we can’t run away from the past for long! 

The constant arguments with my husband were not just petty bickering. They were the accumulation of our painful pasts.

Hurling venom at each other was an unconscious attempt to banish our shadows—all those times when I was abandoned, all those times when I was rejected, deemed too sensitive, too clingy. The constant outsourcing of my power in favor of others’ validation.

All those times Loïc conversed with the moon because no human could understand him. Those times when I was bullied and when I became a bully myself. All the times my stone-cold dad tried to control me. How many times did I let others walk all over me?

All the moments when his mom tried to restrict his independence and stole his money to submit to her addiction.

The grief from the loss of my friendships. The heavy grief from having an unhappy childhood. And the bone-deep shame that haunted me with doubts.

But no matter how much we wanted to blame the other, this nightmare forced us to lay down our weapons.

We could’ve just destroyed each other or ended the relationship, but Life had other plans.

And, for us, that would’ve been too easy!

So, how did we get out of this mess?

Short answer: trial and error, self-inquiry and millions of conversations with each other. 

Little by little, we realized in amazement that we had unconsciously recreated our past trauma in our relationship. It was as if the universe rummaged through the back of the cupboards, threw everything into a giant pressure cooker and left it boiling for several years.

We had no choice but to become extremely self-aware as fast as possible. Because if we didn’t, the resentment would build and another fight would erupt. We perfectly mirrored the other’s shadows and shined a light on each other’s deepest doubts and wounds.

A huge turning point was when we understood the attacks weren’t personal. We knew they weren’t okay and, at the same time, there was something bigger animating the show.

One day, I was practicing Reiki on Loïc. I placed my hands above each chakra as usual to clear any blockages. My palms tingled as small surges of energy released. But when I visited his heart chakra, something different happened this time.

Suddenly, I felt overwhelming grief and tears rolled down my cheeks. I kept my hands steady on his chest and felt the many thick walls that surrounded his heart.

They were built in his childhood to protect him from more harm. I innately understood how necessary these solid walls were. They were designed to make sure no one could ever intrude again.

Another day, after a conflict that nearly ended our relationship, I curled up in bed, crying. My chest heaved as the tears took over me, my breathing labored. Loïc calmly and instinctively laid his hands on my stomach and waited for the wave to finish crashing.

For the next 2 hours, I kept crying and crying, as if all the world’s grief seized my entire shaking body. Vivid images flashed in my mind and I felt the eerie presence of several beings around me, sending me healing energy along with Loïc. 

To this day, I’m still unsure of what exactly happened, but Loïc and I both viscerally felt the other’s pain that made us lash out at one another.

After these incredible experiences, our love and compassion for each other grew exponentially. 

3 key spiritual lessons

Today, Loïc and I are so grateful for our healthy, thriving relationship. We’re celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary in June 2024.

My dad and I have mended our relationship and mutually respect each other.

My soul connection with Loïc amplifies everyday. We just can’t get enough of each other! We feel aligned with who we are, stand in our power and trust the divine. It may sound cliché, but I feel like I’m living in a fairytale romance.

That’s not to say there aren’t any conflicts. They’re a part of being human.

But now when an argument happens, we make space for all of our emotions and opposing perspectives. We quickly identify old modes of protection, soothe our inner child, acknowledge each other’s efforts and collaborate to find solutions.

Though I began coaching in 2016, my EFT Tapping certification in 2020 helped me make giant strides on my healing journey by clearing many stubborn remnants from my past. I feel blessed to now support women from all over the world who resonate with my story and share similar challenges.

Joy and pleasure are essential to healing. It wasn’t all fights and screaming matches, though they were the loudest wake-up call. 

Fortunately, there were many delightful experiences like exploring the woods nearby, cooking our favorite dishes and lots of joking around. Our quarrels were passionate, as well as the reconciliation lovemaking! 

Along the way, I learned that I had lots of healing to do around sexual trauma and sexuality in general. I’ll talk more about this in future blog articles.

But for now, I’ll say that us women have a magnitude of power lying dormant in our sacral chakras and that exploring my sensuality has been one of the most potent ways I’ve reclaimed my sovereignty.  

Loïc and I learned so much—and the journey continues—but if we were to pick 3 key spiritual lessons, they’d include:

1) Conflicts are blessings in disguise

We can choose to see conflicts as signals for unmet needs, repressed emotions and unresolved past wounds. Arguments invite us to look deeply within and embrace the neglected parts of ourselves.

We get to learn how to set boundaries and cultivate self-compassion and, as a result, enjoy more fulfilling relationships—the latter being one of the greatest joys in life, if you ask me!   

2) Accept the past

Codependency and trauma are unfortunately rampant and tend to get passed down from one generation to another. Our relationship challenges may reflect old stories from our family and the collective shadow. We can all help to create a better world by processing our personal trauma, fears and limiting beliefs.

It’s not enough to mentally process things. So many of my clients are disappointed with traditional talk therapy. That’s because trauma is stored in our body.

Relationship drama often occurs because our nervous system puts us into the fight-or-flight mode—that’s our survival mode—anytime our current experience matches an unresolved past hurt. 

We know that setting boundaries is a healthy thing to do. But if our body doesn’t feel safe because we’ve learned in the past that we’ll get minimized, we won’t be able to hold our ground. Or we may do so, but not without lots of guilt and resistance.   

It’s essential to regulate our nervous systems and fully accept ourselves, including our ego, inner child and any part of us that differs from our conditioning.

3) The light and the shadow complement each other

The people around us are our best mirrors. They may be your partner, child, parent, sibling, colleague or friend. If we’re wise, we can choose to learn from what annoys us most about them.

In this blog article, I talk about how Loïc and I danced in a hellish tango with our anger and vulnerability. His angry outbursts often reminded me of my father and scared me, which would make me cry. My tears then reminded Loïc of his own vulnerability, which would inflame his anger.

The merry-go-round kept spinning until we both woke up from our slumber and saw through the illusion of good/bad and right/wrong.

Loïc’s anger taught me to embrace my own anger. And my vulnerability taught him to welcome his tenderness.

He once said to me, Rien ne s’oppose, tout se complète. Basically, that means all things exist as inseparable and contradictory opposites. (For example, joy cannot exist without grief.) It’s been our mantra ever since.

Integrating our light and shadow creates a sacred balance within and lets us become whole.

What kind of world do we want to create?

Years ago, I prayed to be liberated from my misery as fast as possible.

My pain was so unbearable, I thought, Please let me learn all the necessary lessons, so that I may finally feel at peace. I imagined that once I found that inner peace, I’d be content living a simple, contemplative life somewhere in nature.

But that peace of mind isn’t a permanent refuge. It’s a place we can visit within, so that we feel more at ease with our emotions and respond more wisely. 

And my liberation was never only about me… It’s also tied to the collective’s liberation. The work isn’t done until all of us are free. 

So I’ll leave you with a few questions I often ask myself:

What kind of world do you want to create?

If you had only 6 months to live, how would you want to live?

Because the present moment is ultimately all we have. What if there’s more love than we can imagine and the only thing keeping us from receiving it is our fear?

Perhaps it’s not about having a grandiose purpose for the short time we’re here on Mother Earth. 

Maybe it’s simply about releasing the old stories, so that we can live fully in each moment:

Enjoying the wild strawberries exploding in our mouth, inhaling their wonderful aroma.

Sharing a homemade meal over a nourishing conversation with the people who truly matter.

And feeling at home in our bodies, embracing everything about being human.

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Want some free support?

I’m offering free EFT Tapping sessions in exchange for a short interview via Zoom.

I enjoy connecting with other women and learning about their challenges related to confidence, boundaries and relationships.

In the first 15 minutes, I’ll ask questions like “How did you discover me?” for new content ideas. In the last 15 minutes, you’ll get an EFT session to feel calm and clear. (Yes, things can shift that quickly.)

This offer isn’t a discovery call, where we discuss my paid services. It’s a fun opportunity to connect and support each other!

If you feel inspired to work with me, we can book a free call to make sure we’re a good fit.

I look forward to connecting with you!

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